Toddlers and Movies (Oye Veh!) | Britnee Alphin
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Toddlers and Movies (Oye Veh!)

Eat Pose Voyage ©- Chayden Alphin

Toddlers and Movies (Oye Veh!)

Sweet baby newborn infant Jesus… What in the creation of bread was I thinking bringing my chatty, animated toddler to a movie theater? And to make it worse we got there SUPER early and I forgot spare pull ups!!! This is a mom’s worse nightmare: no spare pull ups equals Russian Roulette for the next few hours.


My day on Saturday was quite the adventure. I dropped my husband off at work, grabbed some breakfast, and then it was mommy and son time until 7 pm… God help me! My son is one of those kids that you love because he is so funny and cuddly but then there are those times when you think of leaving him in the store and running away solo. He is the perfect example of a sour patch kid! But Saturday was a pretty sweet day for us… So I thought!


We started our date at Ross. My husband is 6’7 and I am 5’7 so you could imagine the struggle we have been having since birth with our giant child. My son is 2 1/2 years old and he is in a size 10 shoe… Why he is in a 10 shoe, only the Lord knows! I went to Ross with hopes of finding him a pair of shoes that would fit his flat foot and still look decent enough to be fashionably acceptable. Well an aisle full of pink shoes and no size 10 shoes later, Mommy ended up in the dress aisle and eventually the shoe aisle. This particular Ross store has the most amazing selection of shoes for my big foot (a whooping size 10 1/2) so I decided to try on some shoes. Of course my chatty son gave me his opinion… If he didn’t like them he would say “ewww” and if he liked them he would say “awww”. Well after many “ewww” remarks followed by a disgusted face, I finally settled on some really nice thick heel pumps that would later be my shoe for the weekend!


Now for the movies…


My mom had my son a while ago and took him and my little brother to the movies. She said that he did GREAT and my Dad 2 (my mom’s husband, yes I have two Dads don’t be jealous) even had pictures and videos of him doing great. Well I decided to try it out and take my little monster to the movies to see if he’d be an angel with me… WRONG CHOICE! We get there about 20 minutes before the movie started. I took that time to get popcorn and a drink for him… Remember I don’t have a spare pull up so that was a loaded choice… He saw the games and I told him that the theater looked different from the last time Mommy and Daddy came here. I chose that theater because it was near my husband’s job and it was the first place he and I went to for our first date. Well, my son did great watching the previews… Then the time came for us to watch the movie: Despicable M3. He did great for the first half of the movie. Then the sour patch kid set in… He started dancing in the aisle, talking to me, laying all over the seats, wanting more juice, whining because he wanted more of the popcorn he devoured and he wanted to play ball on my phone. I finally got tired of asking him to sit down so I asked him did he want to go and he said yes quicker than I could complete my sentence.


Once we got home he was energetic and chatty as usual. I changed his ridiculously full pull up and hid in the bathroom to have mommy time… He starts jumping on the bed and I knew it was time for me to end my mommy time. I told him to stop jumping on the bed and surely enough he gets right back on the bed and proceeds to jump… Long story short, he jumps once, flies off the bed and lands on his neck then onto his back! I immediately lose my entire shit and my first reaction is to be a mom and say “That is why I told you to stop jumping on the bed Chayden”… Once the cry persisted and his movements stopped I knew he was badly hurt. I grabbed him, held him, and cried like a baby frantically calling my husband. I probably gave him a heart attack texting him like a crazy person. Chayden was uncontrollably crying and I didn’t know what to do. I called the doctor and they told me to rush him to the ER. Well my husband and I are not doctor friendly people. We aren’t the “run to the ER type parents” unless a limb is missing or obviously broken, we figure it out. My husband FaceTime’s me (thank you Apple for the invention) and Chayden starts being his normal chatty self. At this point I look like a complete liar because the boy is rapping, dancing, talking and laughing JUST fine! My husband was calm and told me to just monitor him and move his neck. Chayden began turning his neck left and right no problem and singing “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” followed by the movements. At this point I was completely pissed off that I was crying like a crazy person and my son was fine. After an hour or so I put his ass in the bed and told him to go to sleep. He went right to sleep and woke up tapping my arm for juice.


Moral of the story: My son is a con artist!