04 Oct Living on Purpose
Life is defined as the existence of a human being or animal.
My question to you is: are you living or are you existing?
A few of you know about my life and those of you that don’t know about my life, ask. I am a pretty wide open book and have no shame in telling my faults, high moments (no pun intended), and low moments. I also have no problem sharing my life in a truthful light. I’ve come to the conclusion that the life I live is not for me but for someone else.
If you know me, then you’d know that I am probably the shyest person in the world. And I don’t mean shy like no conversational shy, I mean awkwardly, overly laughing, and making odd conversation shy with facial expressions included. It’s a pretty horrible trait of mine but most people I meet don’t even know that I let out a little pee every time someone talks to me (not actually but I do tense up and sweat under my clothes). I am also one of the most self conscious people you will ever meet in your life.
TRUE STORY: If you pick up my phone at this moment you will see close to 10,000 photos in my phone total. About 90% of those images are screenshots of other women that I admire, want to look like, envy, strive to be mentally, or wish I had their life. I also spend hours on Instagram looking at pictures of other people’s children because I can’t have my own. Don’t judge… Pray!
This has been my ‘norm’ since I was in elementary school. The first person that ever destroyed my view of myself was the same person that I had a crush on. Tommy Van made fun of me every single day in elementary school and it scarred me for life. He made me feel like I was the ugliest little black girl with bucked teeth and boxed braids. Granted, I am West Indian (Guyanese-most of us have some dental issues) and my teeth were a little out there but that still didn’t give him the right to make fun of me for it. The degrading comments didn’t stop there. I actually had a guy make fun of me in middle school and liked me at the same time. He used words to degrade me and his advantage of being older than me (held back a few times) to keep me in a rollercoaster of emotions. Then came high school. Things got a little better here but I eventually met my, now husband. He wasn’t as mean to me as the other guys were in my past but boy he didn’t hold back. I chalked his mean ass attitude up to the fact that he had misguided emotions. See, he told me when we were 15 years old that I would be his wife but when we were 17 years old he told me that he wouldn never take me to prom because he had a girlfriend. Mind you, this is the same girlfriend he broke up with to be pursue me a few weeks later… Misguided! But moving along, I noticed a trend…
I allowed people to treat me any ole kind of way and, unfortunately, I still do! I’m not as bad as I used to be but my husband, my mom, and family still tell me how soft-hearted I am to people that are extremely rude to me and how people abuse my kindness. It’s always a tough pill to swallow but after being humiliated in front of my co-workers for HELPING this past weekend, I decided that I was no longer going to exist in this world and let people kick me around like a piece of trash on the city streets. I am determined to live!
After my mental break down last night and this morning, I decided to reclaim my time. I am tired of feeling like I give my all to people and get a bag of shit in return. I am tired of wearing myself thin and not getting the same hustle in return. I am TIRED of feeling empty while these boogers are walking around here full. It ends TODAY!
Here are some ways to RECLAIM YOUR LIFE:
- Find Me Time: Life can be BUSY! Find a quiet place or a moment in your day to sit and just be about you.
- NO BAD VIBES: In this day and age, rejecting bad vibes is hard because bad vibes can come in a beautiful package. Send those vibes and the well dressed people that wear them to hell! Reclaim those sage vibes and only surround yourself with positive energy (a doughnut shop or taco restaurant are GREAT places to attract good vibes, just saying).
- Say NO: Now this is super hypocritical of me because I NEVER say no to people. I mean there are people who ONLY text me when they want something. I am everybody’s friend when they want a free photoshoot. NOT TODAY! I don’t care if you are the son of the Lort, BAY-BEE you WILL pay me for my time. You will NOT ride my lens penis for free. NO, NO, NO!
- Find a hobby: I stress this point because some of y’all REALLY need a hobby. Twerking is NOT a hobby. Stealing people’s man is NOT a hobby. Go knit, BLOG, paint, or sleep! But find something that YOU can do ALONE without damaging others.
- Smoke a blunt: Literally and figuratively. GO SMOKE YOU SOME GRADE A KUSH! Disclaimer: Now listen, I don’t smoke or drink so I don’t advise you pick up or continue the habit but figuratively speaking, find some peace and tranquility. Try a yoga class, burn some sage, drink some chamomile tea and RELAX! You’ve got to chill sometimes and understand that a horrible day isn’t a horrible life.
I love you all, I really do. I hope that my posts are helpful, entertaining and refreshing. In my mind, I am being the most entertaining person that I can be. Reclaim your life today and remember that things WILL be ok! My heart’s desire for you is Pure, Authentic Happiness™